I think my ex is going to keep my grandchild away from me

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I share a 3-year-old grandchild through our son. Until now, it hasn’t been a big problem because I live in the same city as my son’s family, but that’s about to change. My grandson is the joy of my life, and I plan to visit wherever they move after my son’s job transfer. I had been considering a move back to our hometown. Unbeknownst to me, my son has also been considering a move back there. 

The problem for me is that my ex-husband still lives there, and he’s inclined to take over and monopolize the child in the same way he did with our son. He remains hostile toward me 20 years after our divorce. 

Part of me says I need to be willing to put up with the pain of being in close proximity to my ex to be near my grandson. However, it reminds me strongly of staying married to him for the sake of what I perceived to be our children’s well-being. In hindsight that was, of course, misguided. Despite my reservations, should I set aside my doubts, move back to my home city and see what happens? — DECISIONS TO MAKE

DEAR DECISIONS: Discuss your reservations with your son and daughter-in-law. If your ex-husband tries to monopolize their child, could they put the brakes on it? On the plus side, you are not the same woman you were 20 years ago. I’d like to think that you are stronger and smarter now. If I’m right, while your ex may present a pain in the behind, it would be a tolerable pain, and you would have the access you want to your grandchild.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law has a habit that makes me sick to my stomach. When we are out to dinner with her, she frequently asks, “Can I have a taste of that?” Then, without waiting for a response, she’ll stick her fork or spoon into my food and take a piece of it. It nauseates me when I try to eat the rest of the serving. I don’t know how to deal with this. She is very sensitive and easily offended, and I have always had the feeling she doesn’t like me and doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son. 

I have asked my husband to nicely ask his mother to stop doing this, but he refuses because he doesn’t want to insult his mother. When I told him it makes me sick to my stomach, he asked if I have ever actually gotten sick from eating food her used utensils have touched, and I had to admit that I have not. So he said, “Then where’s the harm?” It still really bothers me. What can I do? — MY FOOD IS MINE 

DEAR FOOD IS MINE: Whether your mother-in-law thinks you aren’t good enough for her precious son is irrelevant. Because tolerating her rudeness hasn’t endeared you to her, you might as well start standing up for yourself. The next time she asks for “a taste of that” smile, grab your plate, cut her off a piece and then hand it to her. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.