Women open up about tattoo removal after failed relationships
There’s a moment when a marriage ends and a wedding ring is taken off for the last time that symbolizes a fresh, new start.
But Amanda Marxen was denied that rite of passage after separating from her ex in 2023 – because she’d tattooed her ring onto her fingers.
Every time the personal trainer looked at her hand she faced a daily reminder of everything that had gone wrong.
She had his nickname, a cross, their wedding date, and wedding ring tattooed on her hand—and a Tinder flame commemorating where they matched—when they got married in 2019. She didn’t want to wear a physical ring because she would have to take it off so frequently at work—but the tattoo was a decision she grew to regret.
Amanda, 34, from Brisbane, Australia, says: “I loved the tattoos when I got them. It was like building a love story across my fingers. But we grew apart and wanted to go in different directions. He wanted to live off-grid and sell the house and go live in the bush [countryside], and that’s not really for me. I like being social and living in the city—we wanted really different things.”
They split in 2023 but are co-parenting well, although the tattoo makes it hard for Amanda to move on.
“But it feels like I’m still wearing my wedding ring, so that’s why I am getting it removed. The first session at the tattoo removal studio was really emotional because, for me, it felt like I was taking it off for the first time. It’s hard because it’s like this slow-motion taking the ring off,” she says.
The sessions are short but uncomfortable, and the process stings. “It’s more painful than getting a tattoo but less painful than my marriage,” Amanda jokes.
“I am still tearful every time I go. I go through those feelings all over again. I will feel sad when they are gone—it’s definitely been an emotional process. But I will feel relieved when it’s all gone. Like it will be the start of a new era; a clean slate and moving on with my life.”
Hikima McLean also had some regrets after she threw her ex out.
Although she had been happily married since 2008, when she discovered that her husband was not the man she thought he was, she realized she no longer wanted his name on her body.
“He was supportive, he love-bombed me, and was always there for me,” she says.
But the reality was very different.
“You’ve got to just face the truth,” the nursing assistant from New Jersey explains.
“Once I told him to leave, everything came into the light. I was broken, but by standing in your truth, you heal much better.” Hikima divorced him and started rebuilding her life.
There was just one problem: the tattoo of his name across the top of her breast.
“I got it in 2008 when we got together after he proposed to me in front of my whole family. I put it right next to my heart to show him that he was my one and only forever. After the marriage ended, it was very hard to look at. You just want to rip that part of you off,” she says.
So in 2022, she took a trip to New York City to tattoo removal studio Removery to begin the process of taking his name off her skin. Ten sessions into the removal, the letters are now faded, and Hikima is looking forward to the day when she can no longer see them.
Tattoo removal uses concentrated light to break up tattoo pigments in the skin. The laser targets the ink particles, fragmenting them into smaller pieces that are naturally absorbed and eliminated by the body’s immune system over time. Recent improvements to laser technology mean the process is faster, less painful, and more effective than it has ever been.
“The environment, the staff, getting it done and talking about it was very therapeutic. It feels like you’re regaining yourself again. I don’t know what I would have done just to have to look at the tattoo forever. I’m moving on with my life. I don’t want to take that into a new relationship.
“I feel awesome now. I am just very happy with my healing process. I was married for 14 years; I wasn’t ready to jump into a new relationship after that heartbreak. I wouldn’t want to take my pain into another relationship. I want to be healed before I meet another person. And removing the tattoo is a big part of that,” Hikima adds.
Steph was 21 when she met her ex through a mutual friend. Now 35, the content creator from the east coast was struck by his good looks and his charisma and quickly fell in love.
But things turned “really dark really fast,” and Steph, who fell unexpectedly pregnant a few months after they met, found herself trapped in a violent and abusive relationship.
He was neglectful throughout the pregnancy, failing to attend medical appointments and asking her if the baby was really his. In an attempt to show him that she loved him, she had a large tattoo inked on her side.
“It was a graffiti tag but it was such a bad job.
“The artist did it for free and it was terrible. I thought it would bring us closer together somehow. I wanted to prove that I loved him, that I was loyal and that I wasn’t going anywhere. But when I saw how bad it was I felt a rush of anxiety that it was going to be on my body for the rest of my life. When I showed him, he didn’t know why I did it. I immediately felt like an idiot,” she remembers.
By this point, he had turned aggressive, and one day, he took her to the roof of her apartment building and held her against the railing.
“We were supposed to be talking, but he started getting angry and smacked me across the face. Then he grabbed me and pushed me to the edge of the roof. I was super scared, and I asked myself if I would make it back downstairs,” she remembers.
Steph told herself it was a one-off and that they could work things out, but he soon became regularly violent, finding excuses to lay his hands on her: ‘grabbing me, pushing me, choking me. I was always ending up with bruises,’ she explains.
“That period was nightmarish. It really affected my mental health and my self-worth was on the floor. I didn’t love myself. I thought I was unworthy and unlovable. They were dark times,” she remembers.
Eventually, her neighbors called social services, who put Steph in touch with Safe Horizon, the non-profit victim services agency, which helped get her into a shelter where she remained for months. She moved out of state for a fresh start, but the tattoo remained as a reminder of the nightmarish relationship.
“Every time I looked in the mirror, I asked myself why I had it done. It was a reminder of a dark chapter. I thought about covering it up, but it would have been a huge piece,” she says.
So Steph looked into tattoo removal online, found Removery, and had her first laser appointment in October.
“It started fading quicker than they thought it would, and I don’t know how long it will take, but I am really looking forward to having my skin back. Now I realize everything happens for a reason. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me, and all those challenges really shaped who I am as a woman now. I am just very grateful to be alive.
“But I will be so relieved when the tattoo has disappeared. I can’t wait to put the past behind me. The tattoo triggers a lot of terrible memories, so I am really excited for it to be gone,” she adds.
