Stream It Or Skip It?
The Three Musketeers: Part I – D’Artagnan (now streaming on Hulu) is the umpteenth (I totally counted, promise, and yes, I’m well aware that umpteen comes after a somethingth but before a zillion) movie iteration of Alexandre Dumas’ classic novel. Martin Bourboulon directs this French-language production, which splits the story of the novel into a pair of two-hour films (Part II – Milady is also streaming on Hulu) and boasts a cast including Francois Civil, Eva Green, Vincent Cassel and Vicky Krieps, although we of the Krieps Nation shouldn’t get too excited about it, because she’s hardly in the damn thing (so why cast Krieps if you’re not going to use her to the extent of her considerable powers, he said, while strongly recommending The Dead Don’t Hurt for a Full and Satisfying Krieps Experience). What Bourboulon brings to the endeavor is virtuoso action sequences, which might be just enough to freshen up this well-worn tale.
The Gist: It’s 1627. The Catholics and Protestants are going at it like they did so much back then, the former trying to hold onto power via the king of France and the latter threatening not only from rival England but from within the French palace. I think there’s more detail about this in the opening title cards, but patience is thin when you’re here for some swashbuckling and the first thing a movie asks you to do is read several paragraphs of exposition. And so, finally, we get to a dark and stormy night, when D’Artagnan (Francois Civil) makes his way toward Paris, and nearly gets his ass killed trying to prevent a damsel from being kidnapped. Notable during the skirmish: we see Eva Green participating, and she’s not the damsel, but, we’ll later learn, Milady de Winter, an agent of Cardinal Richelieu (Eric Ruf), who’s plotting to unseat King Louis XIII (Louis Garrel) via multiple means, ranging from siding with the Brits to exposing the extramarital affairs of Queen Anne (Vicky Krieps).
Got all that? Good. It’s the backdrop to all the hot sword-and-musket fights you want to see, and the reason for them, too (although the real reason is our entertainment, of course). Anyway, back to D’Artagnan, who survives his first skirmish. He has to. The title of the movie wouldn’t have his name in it if he didn’t. He’s kinda smudged and dirty and his hair is greasy, but not enough for the ladies to not find him sexy. I mention this because he somehow doesn’t get laid in this movie when he probably should. I guess that just isn’t the focus here. Too bad. Anyway, he makes it to Paris, hoping to prove himself a worthy enough swordsman to become one of the king’s famed Musketeers. He quickly finds that achieving this goal isn’t as easy as showing up and not being too terribly smelly, which is how he looks.
And so he isn’t accepted and indoctrinated right away. He has to earn it. How? By literally bumping into Athos (Vincent Cassel) on the street, who challenges him to a duel. He accepts. Then he bumps into Aramis (Romain Duris), who sets up another duel, and then Porthos (Pio Marmai), who arranges a third. They’re all at the same place and time, of course, and wouldn’t you know it, those three guys are the Three Musketeers. And instead of D’Artagnan taking them all on like a damn fool, he helps them fight off Richelieu’s army of goons, who arrive to arrest them because duels are illegal (as they should be, it seems). They are heretofore the Three Musketeers Plus One Not Quite Musketeer, and skirmishes await as they attempt to serve their king and be do-gooders who do, like, you know, good. They tangle with all sorts of misc. henchpeoples, aiding the Queen and eventually chasing Milady and probably quietly rolling their eyes in private in response to King Louis being a bit of a dolt. Oh, and D’Artagnan falls for his landlady Constance (Lyna Khoudri), who’s cute and resourceful, but if I were her, I’d really want D’Artagnan to take a bath before he puckers up for a makeout sesh.
Chapter 2
What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: As far as mid-millennium movies set during French periods of strife go, I enjoyed D’Artagnan more than Ridley Scott’s Napoleon – both versions of it. Go figure.
Performance Worth Watching: There isn’t enough elbow room for our three/four Musketeers to give us more than a few dashing poses, and Krieps – the class of any cast she’s in – doesn’t get enough to do here. So the acknowledgment belongs to Green, who, as ever, can be seriously diabolical and campy at the same time, entertainingly so.
Memorable Dialogue: Milady: “There’s a spark in your eyes, D’Artagnan. And from that spark, I’ll light a blaze to devour you.”
Sex and Skin: None, which is ridiculous. I mean, this movie is set in France, not Amish Pennsylvania!
Our Take: Until now, I’d never seen sniper monks in a movie, so D’Artagnan at least has that going for it. The film lives and dies by its action set pieces, Bourboulon conceptualizing complex, single-take skirmishes that by their very nature find us holding our breath as the sword-and-gunplay sequences play out (as opposed to the outta-breath dog-track panting we experience during, say, Paul Greengrass’ rapid-cut shaky-cam anxiety-action). It’s the type of dynamic filmmaking that gets Film Dudes excited, and potentially some Regular People as well, as the camera glides and flows so we feel the movement and a sense of stakes in the action, with every thrust and dodge and parry, and occasional musket shot.
This M.O. makes Bourboulon the de facto star of the movie, for better and worse. Better, because too many action films tend to lean on cheap and easy editing-room tricks over the difficulties of choreography and real-time visual effects. Worse, because D’Artagnan skimps on character, spreading its interest thin over an ensemble cast that’s a functional unit for conveying the plot, but tends to blur together into a uniform mass of faces and hats and hairdos, with Civil and Green enjoying far too infrequent profile bumps. The blur also can partly be attributed to the drab color palette, which offers variations on browns, tans, burnt oranges and the occasional scene lit dramatically by firelight. Take note, the film ends with a cliffhanger for Part II, so a four-hour binge-watch may be necessary for the fully committed – another thing nudging me toward indifference for a movie that’s otherwise a mostly well-made, rousing adventure that’s probably worth a look.
Our Call: Those action scenes are skillful enough in their composition to warrant a recommendation. STREAM IT.
John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
