My husband obviously lies to me — I don’t know what to do
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for 30 years. For the past five years, I’ve noticed that he is acting a little different. He’s lost a lot of weight. I found out he’s been smoking drugs. He had this problem years ago, and I thought we had it beat. But now I’m getting the impression that maybe you can’t ever beat it.
My daughter gave me a tracker for my birthday. I put it in his car to see where he went, and it showed that he went to an apartment building and was there for almost an hour. I don’t know who lives in that building, and I have never been there. I suspect that he’s cheating on me. I can’t think of another reason he would be in an apartment building in a really bad area if there wasn’t something keeping him there. When I asked him where he was, he said, “Why are you asking me so many questions?”
I know my husband lies to me. I’m at my wits’ end and don’t know what to do. I know it will be really hard to leave if that’s what I choose to do, but I guess I have no other choice. When I suggested marriage counseling, he refused. I told him he needed to do drug counseling. He said he doesn’t have a problem. Clearly, he does have a problem. I told him he’s too old for this. What do you think I should do? — SUSPICIOUS IN MICHIGAN
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Before doing anything else, it is important you protect yourself. Talk to your doctor about being checked for STDs. Then tell your husband about the tracker and ask him to explain about the time he’s spent at that apartment building. Was he with another woman? His drug dealer? (If it’s a woman, does he plan to continue seeing her?) Depending upon the answers he gives you and whether you can believe them, you may want to talk to an attorney to determine how you want to proceed.
DEAR ABBY: My 95-year-old mother has been healthy until recently. She’s in an independent living facility and is happy there. I’m the primary caretaker for her medical needs as her heart has weakened, and she’s now under palliative care.
My sister “Julie,” who lives out of state, has decided to place a camera in Mom’s home and track and record her day and night. Although Mom doesn’t mind the camera, it makes me uncomfortable to be constantly watched and monitored while visiting and assisting her. Julie gets angry if I cover the camera while I’m there. When I remove the cover, I hear the camera zoom around the room and focus on us. Am I wrong to want privacy during my visits with my mother? — CAMERA-SHY IN COLORADO
DEAR CAMERA-SHY: The point of the camera is when your mother is alone someone can keep an eye on her. If you are there, there should be no need for the camera. I will assume you have told your sister you don’t want your visits monitored, and she persists in doing it anyway. Feel free to cover it while you are there, but don’t forget to uncover it when you leave.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
