How James Bond will be ruined — like ‘Star Wars,’ ‘The Exorcist’ and ‘LOTR’
Amazon was The Great Unifier this week.
The company brought the entire world together in hatred.
Their apocalyptic announcement that they’re taking over creative control of the James Bond franchise from the Broccoli family, who have been in charge since 1962’s “Dr. No,” sent fans into a rage, and then a deep depression.
I didn’t spot a single story or social media post that was happy with the news. Well, except for a worrying one from Amazon chairman Jeff Bezos, who wrote on X (formerly Twitter), “Who’d you pick as the next Bond?”
MrBeast, it is, then.
Everybody is furious because the outcome of the $1 billion regime change is so excruciatingly obvious. 007 will ski off a cliff to his doom, only there won’t be a Union Jack parachute to save him this time. Bond’s kaput.
Over the past 20 years, we’ve watched storied Hollywood brand after storied Hollywood brand be ruined by opportunistic plunderers who buy an enviable property, reduce it to “content” and foolishly think the well will never run dry.
The results are always the same.
A legacy in tatters.
Back in 2012, Disney acquired Lucasfilm for $4.5 billion, and with it, all of “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones.”
There were reasons for optimism then. Seven years earlier, George Lucas finished his “Star Wars” prequel trilogy, which had been mocked for, among other things, Jar Jar Binks hamming it up and Hayden Christensen proclaiming “I don’t like sand.”
The saga could use a refresh, we thought. Help me, Mickey, you’re my only hope.
In 2015, audiences heaved a sigh of relief when “Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens” hit theaters.
Crowds were pleased that it casually ripped off “A New Hope” (Luke became Daisy Ridley’s Rey) and brought Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher back into the galactic fold. A simple, cinematic hug.
But deep down, I had a bad feeling about this. The next two, “The Last Jedi” and “Rise of Skywalker,” comprised a narrative mess that, while a box office success, failed in fans’ eyes.
Hungry-hungry Disney then started pumping out spin-off movies, like “Solo: A Star Wars Story,” the worst of the lot, and seven live-action TV shows. Two have been good. Several have been canceled or scrapped before production even started.
All this madness happened inside of just 10 years. “Star Wars” is no longer an event, but another one of life’s routine disappointments.
A weirder intellectual property grab was when NBCUniversal paid $400 million in 2021 for the rights to “The Exorcist.”
These days, demonic possession films inspired by William Friedkin’s 1973 horror masterpiece have become so commonplace that they’re practically a genre. But you can’t beat the title.
The studio plans to deliver a trilogy of movies nobody asked for.
Surprise! The first one, last year’s “The Exorcist: Believer,” was an abomination. Ellen Burstyn showed up for 10 sad minutes. In my review, I wrote: “The power of Christ compels me to give ‘The Exorcist: Believer’ one star.”
Most telling of all is what Amazon has already done to “The Lord of the Rings.”
In 2018, the company paid $250 million to snag the TV rights from the Tolkien Estate. That didn’t mean they could make shows off “The Hobbit” or the books that inspired Peter Jackson’s Oscar-winning film trilogy, but rather “The Appendices” — bone dry histories of Middle Earth.
Even so, the Sauron-like company committed a reported $1 billion to a five-season series (the most expensive TV show ever made) in hopes of giving Prime Video its own “Game of Thrones.”
The difference between HBO’s fantasy epic and “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power”? People actually talked about “Game of Thrones.” Amazon’s show barely registers, wins no major awards and is a cheap-looking snooze with a declining viewership.
Now behind the wheel of the Aston Martin, the company that ships me charging cords and moisturizer will definitely create forgettable Bond television series and spin-off films.
More often than not, intellectual property rights are a license to kill.
