I’m worried guests will get too drunk at my wedding —is it tacky to ask them to pay for their own booze?

Nothing divides people quite like wedding etiquette. We know it’s a faux pas to wear white if you’re not the bride and some frown upon the idea of having bank details listed on invitations for cash transfers instead of gifts. Yes, it’s a thing. 

But what about getting guests to pay for their own booze at the reception? That’s a hot topic that is getting many people fired up online this week. 

An Aussie-based bride-to-be asked the question in a wedding thread on Reddit, where she explained the reasoning behind her cash-only bar suggestion for her upcoming nuptials. 

Bride’s unusual request

“Is it tacky to make guests pay for their own drinks?” the woman asked on the platform. 

“I’m getting married in 8 and a half months and there are a couple of people (on both my side and my fiance’s side) who are terrible drunks. I’m a bit worried that if alcohol is paid for that these people will take advantage and become terrible to be around. 

“But I also don’t want to offend my other guests into thinking I’m being tacky and cheap.” 

The woman added that while the idea of having a cash-only bar for guests was an option, she was offering a bottle of red and white wine on each table for her loved ones to enjoy – with limitations – and they’ll also be treated to a glass of punch on arrival. 

What should I do?

The bride went on to explain that she and her partner are from Canada and have been “considered common law for 7-and-a-half years” so weren’t interested in having a huge wedding reception given that they’re already considered husband and wife. Instead, they were hoping to have a wedding to have a good time with their nearest and dearest. 

While adding that a “toonie bar” was also an option given the popularity in Canada (the trend that sees the wedding guests pay just $2 for a drink), the bride was concerned she would be seen as cheap and “tacky” for not forking out on an open bar.

“These people who are drunks are not necessarily violent, but can start verbal fights and shouting matches,” she explains.

“And no, not inviting isn’t an option as I would never live it down because typically they are good people otherwise. Also one of them is even my brother… who is a bad drunk and argumentative. He was already not invited to my sister’s wedding and to this day they still hate each other,” she added. 

“Unfortunately my fiance and I are NOT made of money so I think having a completely open bar and going over our budget for it is an insane idea.

“We want people to have a good time, yes but also to be responsible drinkers and are trying to encourage that.”

Is it tacky to ask guests to pay for their own booze? 

As expected, the comments posted on the thread were divided. 

Some were on the bride’s side and insisted not all weddings have an open bar that was paid for by the couple. 

“I don’t think providing alcohol is necessary however I think it’s important to convey this information in advance to set expectations,” someone commented. 

Another agreed: “I have been to weddings with open bars and cash bars, It does not bother me either way.”

Others said getting guests to pay for their own booze was a hard no. 

“In my circle, it’s very tacky. I’ve never been to a wedding with cash bar,” someone said. 

And another agreed it wouldn’t be a good look on the bride and groom. 

“Don’t make your guests pay for any drinks please. Do a signature drink and beer and wine only. It’s cheaper and maybe they can charge by consumption instead of open bar. Having guests pay for anything is kinda tacky,” they added. 

People will still drink 

Meanwhile, others hit the comments section to highlight that having to pay for their own drinks won’t stop “drunks” from being “drunks”. 

“A cash bar won’t stop people from becoming belligerent if that’s what they’re going to set out to do,” one person pointed out. 

“I don’t think open bar or cash bar will make a difference as I assume the drunks you’re referring to aren’t getting their supply of drinks now for free every single time,” another agreed, before suggesting: “My venue actually requires couples to hire security for potential rowdy guests including those who can’t control their alcohol which I appreciate and don’t mind paying the extra expense for. Maybe this is another option you can consider if your budget allows it.”

Another follower agreed that the above idea sounded like the best option for the bridge and groom. 

“Cash bars don’t prevent drunkenness, professional bartenders and security do,” they insisted.