Sneaky ways social media is the ultimate infidelity machine — and the ‘innocent’ red flags to watch for

I was halfway through my morning coffee when my phone buzzed with an Instagram DM. “Hey, what’s up?”

Harmless enough, right?

Except it was from a radio executive I knew by reputation but had never met. He was extremely successful and riding on the coattails of some big-name shows he had been put in charge of.

Safe to say, I was very excited to hear from him. He wanted to take me to lunch to discuss a potential new show that I would headline.

I jumped at the chance to meet with him and didn’t think twice about us meeting for lunch rather than at his workplace. I arrived on time and was prepped with pre-prepared notes for what I thought would be a brilliant late-night radio show. 

At first, I didn’t mind that he went on and on about his former dating (and sex) life — I’m a dating columnist, so this makes sense. But the hours were ticking by, he kept ordering more wine and he hadn’t got to the business part of the meeting yet. 

Well, spoiler alert: There was no radio show. Just a man who got drunk far too quickly, raved about my saucy Instagram stories (as well as dissecting some of my “thirst traps” as he enjoyed calling them), then casually mentioned at the end of the lunch, “Oh yeah so let’s meet again and I can tell you about this show I have in mind for you.”

He then continued to text me throughout the Christmas break, just to “say hi.” My Spidey senses were tingling, and not in a good way. Had I just been duped into lunch with a horny married man? It would appear so. 

It’s then that it really hit home for me, if someone wanted to invent the ultimate infidelity machine, they wouldn’t need to. It already exists. It’s called social media. I mean, that’s where he came across me. 

Once upon a time, cheating required real effort — furtive glances across a bar, stolen kisses at an office Christmas party, or elaborate excuses involving “late meetings” and “business trips.” But now? The gateway to adultery is as simple as a double tap on Instagram, a “harmless” LinkedIn connection request, or a well-placed fire emoji in the DMs.

As a single woman navigating the dating scene, I’ve seen firsthand how social media has become a sneaky little accomplice to infidelity. And let’s be real, it’s not just the overt stuff, like full-blown affairs. It’s the micro-cheating, the emotional dalliances, the “whoops, did I just flirt?” moments that blur the line between innocent and shady.

Who knew the most dangerous phrase in relationships would become: “Hey, what’s up?”

And it’s not just the obvious social media accounts like Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat, Oh no. LinkedIn is home to some sordid affairs. Yes, this unassuming, career networking platform has become the secret, underground dating app of the 2020s.

In fact, one of my friends ended up marrying a guy who reached out to her on the site “to connect over similar careers.” The social media site we all thought was strictly for business.

Nope. Think again.

My inbox is constantly flooded with requests from men in finance, construction, and tech. We have zero work-related connections, so why are they so eager to network with me? Spoiler alert #2: They’re not after career advice.

So ladies (and gents), if you’re wondering whether your partner is up to no good online, here are some telltale signs.

Red flags for cheating

1. The “thirst trap enthusiast” is the one who never fails to like and comment on scantily clad photos of influencers and random women — but somehow ignores the cute couple photos you post. It’s like they have a sixth sense of knowing when a bikini picture is about to go live. If you take a peep at their explore page and it looks like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, that’s a red flag.
2. The “Oops, I didn’t mean to hide that” story manipulator suddenly starts hiding their Instagram stories from you, but not from their followers. This is the person who posts cryptic thirst traps, gym selfies, or “out with the boys” posts — ut conveniently ensures you never see them. If they claim it was an accident, chances are, it wasn’t. (It never is!)
3. The “overactive LinkedIn user” networks like a Wall Street shark — except they’re not chasing business deals, they’re chasing digital attention. If your partner suddenly gets a flood of connections from attractive strangers in industries they have zero interest in, or if they’re sliding into inboxes with, “Let’s connect over coffee” messages, be suspicious. LinkedIn should not be a dating app. I repeat, should not be a dating app.
4. And then there’s the “late-night texter” whose messages only appear after you’ve gone to bed. If your partner’s phone stays suspiciously silent during the day but starts buzzing past midnight, something is up. Honestly, no one is discussing work projects at 2 AM.

The simple fact is that social media makes everyone look hotter, funnier and more available than they really are. It’s a highlight reel of perfectly curated photos, witty captions, and just enough mystery to keep curiosity piqued – we have become expert marketers. And when people are feeling bored in their relationships, it’s all too easy to get lost in the fantasy of what could be instead of working on what is.

Oh, if only it could capture that hot, married guy’s most recent gastro attack or man-flu plague. We certainly wouldn’t be responding to his “Hey” DM slides. 

As much as it’s nice to get attention from anyone these days, let’s be honest: most innocent interactions can snowball into full-blown emotional affairs. A simple “like” turns into a comment, which turns into a DM, which turns into a conversation about how “She just gets me in a way my partner doesn’t.” Oh, how we’ve seen it before. Next thing you know, someone’s marriage is in the gutter — and it all started with a fire emoji.

I reached out to a divorce lawyer friend, who confirmed that social media is now a leading factor in modern breakups. “A huge percentage of my cases involve something that started on social media,” he told me. “People don’t realize how much digital breadcrumbs can unravel a relationship until it’s too late.”

Ahh yes, it’s like that hilarious-yet-sadly-true meme that says, “Dance like no one’s watching, but text, email and DM slide like it will be read out in court one day.”

Sadly, social media gives people the illusion of endless options. It makes us forget that real relationships require effort, commitment, and, most importantly, respect — more than a sexy bikini or gym shot. 

But sure, we all crave a little validation — it’s human nature. Who doesn’t love a cheeky compliment or a flirty DM? But when your phone starts becoming more exciting than your actual relationship, that’s when things get dicey. Social media itself isn’t the problem, but it sure makes being shady a whole lot easier.

So, the next time your partner is glued to their phone, scrolling away, maybe take a sneak peek. Because the most dangerous affairs don’t always start in a hotel room. Sometimes, they start with a simple “Hey, what’s up?”

And trust me, it’s never a simple question.